The Wreck

This is my story that my family has always referred to it as "the wreck". The night that changed everything . I tired to just put this behind me. I cant let go of the feeling that someone needs to read this and learn from my nightmare.



so here goes



The night my life took a dramatic left turn ....didn't seem any different than any other. No one felt something strange or had a dream. There was no prewarning of any kind ....no weird feelings. I had a friend of mine come in from Arkansas . We had thrown a party for her on the 14th. I wanted all her friends to come to my house so that she wouldn't have to run herself to death making separate visits. I did another party on the 15th because the night before I had to leave in the middle of the party to go to work... I worked 3rd shift ... so I threw the second party pretty much so I could spend some time with her myself. I got about 3 people to show .... about 8:30 my daughter Heather reminded me that I needed to head up to the store for some cigarette's and soda ... I keep putting her off and finally I told her to come on and lets get it done before she drove me nuts and about that time Taylor my 10 year old came running out screaming shotgun .... most of the time I let Taylor ride shotgun because with his sister being 10 years older than him it made him feel like a big boy. This night I told him no. If he was coming he would have to ride in the backseat and he darted in the backseat without another word. I told the girls to hold the fort down and we would be right back..... well I would love to tell you something about that 6 minute ride that leads us up to the little gas station where this thing takes place but there is only a faint memory of Taylor and Heather picking at one another, there was some laughter and I remember seeing the store right before the traffic light and that was all I remember. We went to go through the green light. Heather was driving. I was on the passenger side. Taylor right behind me. We were T-boned by a Nissan Frontier. A man named Johnathan Finley had hit us doing about 60 miles an hour. He had just left Nissan Motor Manufacturing where he worked 3rd shift. He went to ask for the night off and got it (Later ask me why he asked for the night off). After he hit us a gentleman said that Mr. Finley drove away from the wreck to the gas station that we were headed to he said that he ran up to Mr. Finely to see if he was o.k. and Mr. finely told him that " You didn't see a f**king thing" and went to drive off from the scene. At that very moment a cop that was pulling in to check on the store was probably the only thing that kept him driving off and leaving the scene. He hit us on my side it knocked all three of us out .... By the time Heather came to the EMT where already there trying to figure out what they were going to do with us. Heather said that she at first thought that there were diamonds falling out of her hair when she first opened her eyes ....its wasn't diamonds .. it was glass she said that she looked over and both me and Taylor were covered in blood and knocked out. Heather said that she thought at first that she had done something and it had killed her mother and her brother. later someone told her that it was a drunk driver that had caused all this mess. Heather walked around in a daze with just one flip flop on watching them work on her brother and I. They finally got me together and life flighted me to Vanderbilt Medical Center in Nashville Tennessee. Its like a 25 minute drive from my house to this hospital but apparently I needed to get there a little faster. They took Taylor to a hospital in Murfreesboro about 7-8 miles from the wreck and after they examined him they were afraid he had brain damage so they life flighted him to Vanderbilt .. no brain damage ...but he ended up with 8 staples in his right arm lots of bruising Taylor stayed in the hospital for 5 days. Heather ended up with a sprained ankle and cuts and bruising so after day 5 Taylor went home with his sister. Heather took care of Taylor ...while Robert my husband and my father-in-law Dan stayed at the hospital with me. I wasn't as lucky as my two kids .... I thank the Lord that I didn't give Taylor shotgun because I don't think my sons 10 year old little body would have faired as well if he had sat in that front seat. I don't know how well I faired ... I was rushed into emergency surgery. I had internal bleeding, It had broke my collar bone and my pelvis bone and they had to remove my spleen. They placed me in a drug induced coma (If you wanna hear about the coma dream check look up Coma dream on my blog) They couldn't get me to come out of my coma and that was a concern for a while so they put a trac in my throat because that tube that goes down your throat that you see in the movies is supposed to be a very temporary thing when it goes on for more than 3 days they swap to a trac yeah I was in really bad shape. . now for the 8 days the doctors were presented with a entirely new problem. My stomach incision wouldn't stay closed they tried 3 times to close me and it would just pop back due to all the swelling I had going on. Well finally day 11 I came out of the coma ..... I remember not having any idea what was going one but that whatever it was it hurt like nothing I had ever felt before. Robert informed me that first the kids were o.k. that they had gotten pretty good banged up but were both at home. He told me that it was a drunk driver that had hit us ... there were moments at the beginning that I thought that this was still part of the dream i was dreaming in the coma... but my body day by day insisted that it was anything but a dream. I couldnt talk because of the trac and it was taking a little while for my brian to remember basic writing skills. They then packed me up and sent me to a recovery hospital for a month .... Well now that I had joined the party it was time to do something about my open wound .....

Now let me introduce you to the awesome quicker fixer-upper its called the "Wound Vac" Best way that I can explain the wonderful piece of medical hardware is they for some reason you cant close a wound and its rather large then they take this industrial saran wrap and you place it over the wound all around the edges of this plastic is this super sticky stuff that seals it to your surrounding skin ...now there is a tube that going into it and the other end goes into this machine that I swear sometimes sounded like an iron lung ...but it keeps the wound clean and it would help speed up healing and gave the doctors time to figure their next move which ended up giving me the time for the swelling to go down. So they sent me home. I weighted in at 103 pounds wet. My walking was that of a crippled 90 year old. I slept in our recliner because laying down completely flat was a non happening thing. Heather was taught to clean and change my wound vac ... never thought that I would have to ask my daughter to do that for me. The home health nurse would come twice a week and make sure that Heather was doing her job properly. I had to head back to Vanderbuilt to do a skin graph to cover my still swollen tummy to finally lose that wound vac ... and the graph would be a temp fix while still waiting on the swelling to finally go all the way down ...I remember coming to in the recovery room and the nurse putting something in my I.V. as I laid there I was in the same room with a woman that had just had a kidney transplant I think... and all I could do was to thank the Lord that my problems weren't that bad and I remember praying for her. They put me into another room healing time again...this time Heather babysat her dear old mom .... Finally they sent me home. I had a fever that they could figure out what it was or what was causing it ..... but I didn't care they were sending me home at this point. I was so sick of doctors and the smell of a hospital was becoming almost as familiar as home. How horrible is that. So I figured I would just keep taking my super amped antibiotics and I would be fine. I remember thinking I finally had made it through it all that I was home with my family in my house sleeping in my recliner .....after about 5 days the fever just wasn't going away. I tried to just pretend that it didn't exist...I would paint my nails and play on the computer and pray that it would go away .... but one afternoon around 5:30 I felt a pain in my tummy and something wet running down my belly and I asked Robert to come look at it ...he didn't have to say a word but the word was that he was going to call an ambulance that my wound had busted open. I called Heather and gave her the news we were headed back to the hospital. Finally in the ER they told me that the fever was a sign of an infection in one of my staples and they were going to admit me into the hospital again til they got it under control. They might as well have told me that they were sending me to a firing squad ..... I felt defeated that I didn't have "Just one more time" in me .... so they were pumping me full of some 1000.00 a pop antibiotics and Heather would walk me down and around the halls for my exercise ....one day I went to walk out of my room for my daily stroll and there was a sign on my door that stated that anyone that entered my room had to have gown and gloves and a mask ....this was my intro to the fact that I had caught I staff infection!! WhoooHaaaa!! Help me Lord .... I remember that this was the time that they took my drainage tubes out. Finally I got over the infection and the staff infection and got to head home..... I was finally starting to get back on my feet....my daughter knew that there was no point in asking me to do normal exercise so she got me where I lived. she would take me shopping everyday...not that we would buy anything, but she counted on me getting distracted looking at stuff and I would walk for hours on hours and this is how I got back in shape... i know I would come home hurting soooo bad and I would talk a happy pill sleep all night and go do it all over again the next day. Well here it is almost 5 years later.... for the last year I have been babysitting my lil nephew Frederick for my sister-in-law. I tried to go back to work at Pillsbury but their policy was that they couldn't rehire me after something like that. I guess insurance cost and all. I pray for Mr. Fineley all the time ... I hope that whatever this is that he had learned something for it ..... I want companies to come up with some kind of guidelines for employees that come into work under the influence. That there is a standard to go by to deal with them . Either sitting them down til they sober up or a cab or even calling the police on them. My lawyer was wanting so badly to name Nissan in our law suit..they never even bothered to return calls from my lawyer. I knew that big businesses can keep you in court up to 10 year before it would ever even bother them...but a "I'm sorry we dropped the ball" would have been great. I don't know what I need to do but my hope is to get people interested in righting up guidelines to follow in case you have a visible intoxicated employee. I get aggravated at Mr. Finley because drinking and driving is a selfish act. I am more aggravated at the sober people that were around him that night and did nothing. To me that was worse. Please be involved when you see a drunk person about to get in a car ...either stop them ...if that isn't an option then call the law tell them that you just say a man (or woman) getting in a car________ headed_______and the licence plate number is ______. The reason that things like this happen to us is because Mr. Fineley's boss that night and probably several of his co-workers knew he was drunk and told themselves that it wasn't their business (he sat through a 10 minute _________ meeting before asking for the night off) They let that man walk out get into his truck and drive 4 minutes down the road and almost killed me and my kids ....... I had a boss back in the day and one of our guys came in drunk as could be he smelled of whiskey ...he wanted the night off ...my boss told him that he could leave after he finished some paperwork ...she handed he 3 hours worth of work just long enough for him to sober up before she let him leave (She took action) 6 years ago I had an accident. A girl came off the interstate ramp and ran right in front of me she had 2 kids both under the age of 2 in the back seat and she was high on prescription medication after our cars came to a stop I got out to check on her and she sped off didn't want to get busted when the cops came... I followed her for many miles her with a bust back tire running on a rim....yeah I could have stayed there til the police came but then they would have never caught her and got her help and maybe the next time the kids and her might not be as lucky ......I help the police find her and get her the help she needed ( I took action) Please the next time you see a drunk driver please step up , do the right thing and be the hero.

Parent ...Be Parents

Jan. 29th 2010

　

Subject today is going to be .....Parents who lack the tools to be effective parents..this comes to my mind because yesterday we were blessed with 2 inches of snow and around our part of the world we don't get snow much anymore so the schools close as fast as you can say boo. Well my son went in and out of the house playing in the snow, He got bored to the point he asked me to go play with him, Well either old bones or something I just couldn't take the cold like I used to and had to come in, I told him at that point that a couple of houses down was one of my sons friend and that he should go down there and get him to come play in the snow with at our house and that I would make hot chocolate my sons eyes lit up like I told him something wonderful that he had not even entertained yet...so he pulled on his jacket and hat and off he trudged in the snow to get his friend for a fun filled day of snow ....This boys father told my son that he was sorry but his son (12 years old) was spending the day with his girlfriend, o.k. ....now I have know this little boy for 7 years and I know the little girl that he claims for a girlfriend and I also know that both of her parent were at work that day....really people? Did your parents teach you nothing at all. This is were I am at a lost when these parent spout off that they had no idea how there daughters got pregnant .....Its blows my mind that I have seen 9 and 10 year old with claimed boyfriends or girlfriends....we have pushed so hard for them to be little mini adults so that we can go live our lives

and with what they see on T.V. they think that at 11 year old they are ready for sex .....PARENTS hear me even if you don't want to ...if you are not going to play the role as the parent, either don't have them or give them to childless couples that are reaching into other countries for babies. The T,V. is not the parent ...the Internet is not the parent ...YOU ARE THE PARENT! Kids are not emotional ready to be exposed to all the garbage on the Internet and T.V. Yes this means that you ..the parent will have to actually watch and discipline your child.....Maybe even spend some actual time with this little being you brought into the world but see most people don't fathom the role you took as a parent, alot of you were so wrapped up the the cute part of this being that when they got to be where they weren't as cute and actually needed you to step up as a parent....you failed them... you were poor or rich I have seen both sides just check out of the parenting role and hand it over to electronics or an older sibling that knows even less than the parents or if that child was lucky enough to have a loving aunt or grandmother ,,,but the actual parents just leave...look there isn't anything wrong with being afraid that you are going to fail this young person you are many many time but its the time you get it right that they will always remember ....but there is some wrong with being a selfish human that would much rather go get her nails done or go have beers with the boys rather than spend time with someone that needs you far worse and in the end the relationship will be a blessing to you both...The other day I was watching T.V. and they said that we were having an epic rise in teen pregnancy ....really? .....could it be because you are not keeping your young girls and boys close enough to you that you just don't know what they are doing? I think that most kids are being left at home at way too young of an age sometime just to save money on a babysitter....

Then there is the cell phone issue I see kids as young as 7 and 8 year olds with cell phones and I have noticed that parents have took this device and assured themselves that if that child has a cell phone that they are safe no matter where they go....Really people? It would take a child molester two seconds to talk that kid out of that cell phone ...but its one of the safety blinders that parents put up on themselves so they don't have to parent....I don't think that cell phones are bad...I do think it wrong to let your 8 year old daughter run all over the neighborhood with one while you sit at a friends house blindly thinking that the money you forked out for that phone for little Suzy is going to keep her safe from harm while you hang out with friends...

.

Just because they are old enough to make grilled cheese does not make them old enough to be by themselves. I think that the world has demanded that people work way too many hours that they wont sacrifice their gym membership or their weekly massage. They let their own kids pay the price and when the child end up doing something wrong or pregnancy at 14 these parents have had their head in the sand so long that they are like "What?" .... Really parents deep down I know you aren't that ignorant of this ...you are just selfish....and that can be changed ....but only by you that childs parent

　

I think its time to back up and do damage control....

number one is ...you don't have to be a parent...no matter what parents or friends with kids pressure you to do ...there is no rule that states you have to bear children.

number two ...if you are already a parent and you feel that fight or flight emotion there is shame with getting help from professionals or even the people who have walked that road before.

number three if you are just a selfish person ...then it really is time to see a professional ... because you are only damaging yourself and you child

number four admit that you are human just like everyone else

number five consider that giving up some of your activities might be the way to go ...that child is only yours for MAYBE 20 years (If you are really lucky) ....chances are you are going to outlive the stay so have your fun after they move out ...its a small price to pay.

Black Friday FlashBacks

Black Friday ..... for most people there is an air of tradition ..you know the getting up early or not going to bed at all ... all the sales papers sprayed out over then kitchen table. A paper with the hopefully mapped out morning of two or three different stores you want to hit and then breakfast. The standing in line talking to people you don't know about the deals and the dangers of cutting line....

　

and then there is my view,

　

I am sure that mine in not in the majority of views on the marvelous blessed day....here goes my one and only Tale of "THE BLACK FRIDAY OF DEATH".

Number #1 they wake me at 2:30 so that we can get dressed so that

Number #2 we can go stand in line for 2 solid hours in some butt freaking cold ass weather.


Now you need to realize this before all else. I am pissed that you woke me after only 4 and a half hours sleep ... now I am freezing and in line with people that I don't know. These people seem to be overly perky and all I can do at this point is glare at them. I spend the next two hours listening to my friend tell everybody 10 up the line and 10 behind us that I am not a morning person..... then there are cops ... yes real cops on horses clopping up and down the line making sure that a fight doesn't break out over cutting line...(OVER CUTTING LINE)

　

This real weird fever goes down the line when they see 3 or 4 target workers start walking around the front doors..... then after what seems like a forever time of teasing us they open the doors. They never make eye contact they just open and run..... that's when I noticed that they have the buggy's in two rows. They also have a row of orange cones in the middle like its some kind of line ... at first I start walking at a normal pace and I notice that the people in front of me start to 'fast pace walk. Then it slowly turns into a trot and before I know it they are running so start this slow run too because if I didn't I feared being trampled to death by those soccer moms hopped up on Ritalin with those too wide eyes and hands placed lightly on my back silently telling me that if I don't pick up the pace the herd was going to leave me behind ... so for survival sake I begin a slow run.... praying not to trip over any cone or piss anyone off. I get to the end of this track and see all these women running and snatching thing like their lives depended on what goods they came away with..... that's when I knew it ...

　

I hate Black Friday,

　

I hate it with my soul ..... it seemed like everything that was wrong with our society .... was wrapped up right here in a really big neat bow ..... that cost more than it should, but a price that these women were willing to pay just to be part of something ...because believe you me it isn't the "deals" as they called them ..... I think I bought a portable DVD player that morning and there it was for the same price a week later.... So when someone says BLACK FRIDAY to me with them crazy eyes... I tell them to ...

　

COUNT ME OUT!!

　

There isn't anything I could imagine that would make me want to rub elbows with the straight jacket needing group that shows up for these things.... now like I say its not for me and this is my view on this great tradition, so if you have hate .... send it to someone who will appreciate it .... I will not ...in fact I don't bother reading those posts ...its just bad ju-ju ..... Happy Holidays!!

Halloween and what it means to me!!

Getting ready for halloween ..... well its my crack ... I love the fall air and the leaves and the pumpkins and well I just could go on and on and on and on ...because I love Halloween better than any other holiday and I will tell you why ... its a time were everyone can let their hair down and be whatever they want to be without anyone having a stroke its time to get out and say hey to your neighbors why extorting treats at the same time .... it fun with a dash of mischeif how could you not love it. This year we are holding our 3rd annual pumpkin carving/ costume party. Its going to be a Zombie theme to it. I will be the Zombie lunch lady and so far we have a grave digger, necromancer, bride and groom a sheriff and about 5 zombie hunting men (who by the way just want to walk around in a long trench coat and carry guns.) I have the front yard decked out as a graveyard and my entire front of my house is incased in black spiderwebbing. There are spiders everywhere. So all you true ghouls and goblins thrown on your costumes and grab a kroger sack and you are more than welcome at my house on Halloween ...now beware of the zombies because they are EVERYWHERE!!!!

This was titled "Is Gay ...o.k.? Well I had to respond.

I am an fan of a blog called "Scary Mommy" .... Her name is Jill which I thought was totally cool (The Jill Club) anyway she hosted a guest blogger "Who put me in charge of these people" and The blog was about the fact that how we raise our kids may be totally different from other peoples way of raising their kids but how that can be o.k. it went into a gay topic and ...well below you can read it and read my response .... my response was due to the fact that I have a gay daughter and how having walked that road changed my outlook, you can assume how you would react if it happened to you but do you really know for sure???

Gretchen, a.k.a. Texan Mama, spends her days finding rogue singleton socks and tending to the dozen feet that wear those socks. She resides in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex with her husband, 5 children, and one dog (who doesn’t wear socks). In her spare time, she blogs at
Who Put Me In Charge Of These People.I’m a parent. I’m doing the best I can to raise my children with the belief system I have in place. I am using the tools I have to make the best judgments I know.
Here’s the catch: my best judgments may not be in agreement with other people’s best judgments. And, that’s okay. I’m okay knowing that sometimes the way we raise our children doesn’t gel with other families. I can deal with that.
For example, we don’t have cable TV. That’s just our feeling. We believe that cable TV is riddled with inappropriate programs as well as advertisements that promote materialism. Does that mean we don’t let our kids watch cable TV at other people’s houses? No. It’s just not the right fit for our family. They know what cable TV is and they know why we disapprove of it. I think it’s okay for them to have exposure to it occasionally, but I don’t want it to become a part of our everyday life.
Another example would be our religious beliefs. We are conservative Christians. I’m not even going to put our religious beliefs on the same plane as cable TV, because our religion is much much more significant than TV. The two aren’t even close. I’m sure you feel the same way about your faith, whether it be religion or spirituality or even the conscious decision about having no religion at all. It is at your core. Or, it should be, whatever you practice. But the point is, our religious beliefs guide our family decisions and our world view. I don’t expect our world view to be the same as other families’, but I know that it’s a good fit for us.
As I raise my children, I want to surround them with people who are like-minded with us. I want to provide my children with positive role models who practice and support our value system. I think that’s normal, right? On the one hand, some might call it sheltering my child from the real world. They might say that my children need to know what’s out there and need to experience it. True. But I, on the other hand, feel that there is a time and a place for kids to experience the world. I feel like it’s my job to determine when that time should be. I don’t want my kids to see PG-13 movies before they’re 13. I don’t want my kids getting cell phones until they are at least 16. These are decisions I’m comfortable with. And, just because someone else decides differently for their family, doesn’t mean I think they’re wrong. They, and me, and you, have to make decisions that fit for our own unique family dynamic. No one knows the ins and outs of our families better than the people directly involved.
I started writing this post as an afterthought to one I posted a few weeks ago, then took down. The post was asking readers to discuss the fact that my son’s 4th grade teacher is an open lesbian. Immediately commenters responded with what’s the problem? and why is it a big deal? and one even said, contrary to popular belief, they are not child molesters. That comment really hurt, because I never said one negative thing to instigate such a comment. I replied that the reason I was concerned came from a fear that the issue of her sexuality, if discussed openly, would pull the focus of the class away from education and place it somewhere else. Where? I don’t know, but I am pretty sure that place would not be part of the 4th grade science curriculum. I was concerned that it would cause divisiveness with parents, and that it would cause discussions in school that aren’t appropriate for a 4th grade school setting. All of that? 100% true.
But beyond that, I will be honest, because I can. I would prefer my son’s teacher be someone who shared my belief system. I would prefer she be a heterosexual. If I had my choice, I’d prefer she be a Christian heterosexual. NOT because I am afraid of gay people (I’m not). NOT because I hate gay people (I don’t). I just want my child to be surrounded by adults who support and practice our family’s value system. Is that so strange?
On the flip side of that, if you were a parent who raised a child to believe that there is no God, and your child’s teacher were a devout Christian, would you automatically hate her just because your belief systems are different? No. Neither do I hate my son’s teacher. Would you be concerned that her belief system, one that guides her own daily thoughts and decisions, might consciously or subconsciously slant her teaching and her daily interactions with children, especially your child? I do. I worry about it. I worry about anytime my children have contact with people outside of our family. I don’t want to shield my children from everyone whose value systems are different than my own. I don’t want them to become adults who are sheltered and naive. Who would want that for their children? But I just wonder if only conservative Christians get accused of sheltering their children. I wonder if people who reject organized religion are also being told that their children will grow up to be sheltered and naive? I mean, aren’t they keeping their children from the world too?
I fully understand that I don’t have the luxury of always choosing who my child is exposed to. I also get that when I choose to send my child to public school, I’m choosing for him to be exposed to people whose value system may clash with our own. This post is not about what I’m going to DO about who my child is exposed to; it’s about how I FEEL about the people my child is exposed to. It’s also my inner monologue, bubbling out onto the blog page.
I feel that it’s reasonable to expect my child’s teacher to keep her personal life and professional life separate. The situation just gets a little sticky when Mrs. Jones, the history teacher, can say that she went to the museum of natural history with her husband, but Ms. Taylor has to use the term "friend" instead of referring to her partner as "wife" or "partner". Is this fair? Maybe not. And I’m not a legal expert so I can’t say where the line is, where a teacher’s personal rights supercede the appropriateness of classroom verbiage.
I guess my point is this: there are a lot of people I don’t want to play as a role-model for my child, and I feel it’s my duty as a parent to find the best role-models for my child. It’s my job to help shape my child into the person I think he or she should be. That is the core of parenting: guiding our children to become productive members of society. I realize that my influence will only go so far and at some point in the very near future, my children will have opinions of their own and will probably reject everything I’ve ever taught them. That’s part of adolescence and to be expected. But I would be a failure as a parent if I didn’t try to give my child some moral and ethical values as a foundation on which to build their opinions.
My moral and ethical values? They are mine. And yours are yours. They are beautiful and unique and perfect for your family. They fit you and mine fit me but ours aren’t the same and I can’t expect my values to fit your family, nor can I expect your values to fit mine.
Jill and I have a long history of respectfully agreeing to disagree. I am pretty sure we disagree on this topic as well as others we’ve bumped heads against in the past. But we treat each other with kindness. We don’t make assumptions about the other person. We are polite. We don’t accuse. I can’t imagine a better setting for people from two different viewpoints to come together. Because learning takes place where love gives it a voice. You may not like what I have to say. You may think I’m wrong. But, I’ll say this again:
I’m a parent. I’m doing the best I can to raise my child with the belief system I have in place. I am using the tools I have to make the best judgments I know.
Are any of us really doing any differently?
And well here is what poured out of me .......
Hey guys … this post was THE most well thought out piece on this I have ever seen. I would love to say this will be short ….. but I will try not to write a book. I was a single mom raising two kids the best I knew how,around Heathers (My oldest) 15th birthday she had only claimed one boyfriend and started claiming girlfriends and well I comforted myself with "Its a phase" Heather officially came out at the age of 18 and please let me assure you that I didn't take it well at all. I packed her up and sent her to live with the biggest homophobic in the know world ‘her father’.Now keep in mind that right before all this I considered myself a very "with it" kinda gal. I had all the respect for people and their choices …. still I cried … I freaked, I blamed. I constantly searched what had I done wrong. Several times I figured that I was the bad role model being a giant tomboy myself. Another thought was that I worked to much I wasn't there when she needed me…the divorce, but when I didn't have another tear to shed I realized why I was so upset. It wasn't Heather .. it was the most selfish that I have ever been in my life. I wasn't going to get to help Heather with prom night help pick her dress and a nervous young man at the door. I wasn't going to be able to get teary eye’ed while she stood in front of me in a long white gown …. She was never going to need me to help her with her first pregnancy …. no gran children …no talks about what marriage was about ….. I think I was mad because it felt as though she has denied me my rights … the rights that most mothers take for granted … I would never experience. All the dreams that you as a mother just assumed where going to happen were gone. Now here we are 6 years down the road. I realized that my love for my child was bigger than anything else. Nope there wasn't a prom,(She didn't want to be the drama that tainted the other kids prom) No wedding,(She doesn't believe in the institution) no gran kids(doesn't want kids) …. but she is happy and in my life and being without her was much worse than anything else… I am southern baptist ( Insert rolled eyes here) and I have always had my faith. I always will …. but for the mothers that haven't had to walk my path …. don't assume that you will be the coolest parent in the world, because until you gear up and walk down that rocky road you just don't know…but I love my daughter with all my heart and I did the best I could raising her. I have come to this conclusion. You raise your kids with the best that you have been taught and the best that you have learned and you pray the rest of the way …its all you can do. Goodbye and Gods love Jill Hilliard

Catch me up blogget

Hey friends and foes ... I know I have to get back on the blogging horse ... but it has been a crazy world around here. We ended up going on vacation the last of September to the mountains it was way too amazing for words so ....

My son Taylor

My daughter Heather

with my husband Robert,

Please forgive me

I have gone far too many days and not written you guys, Life is a changing around the Hilliard household. I am going to explain this without a lot of detail .... I promise to write a full on blog about this extreme time of my life but this is just going to be a catch up thingy .... 3 years and some change ago I was having a party at my house for a girlfriend of mine that had just arrived from arkansas. We ran out of cigarettes (I dont have that nasty habit anymore) and I needed a 2-liter. I didnt want to go but my daughter Heather didnt want to drive alone ...ended up Heather driving. I in the passenger seat and my son Taylor in the back seat behind me. We went to cross the interection to the store and was struck by a drunk driver who tried to drive off. He had just left work where he ask to have the night off so he could sleep enough (He worked thirds) to attend his 1st DUI hearing the next morning. Well real quick Heather got banged up with a sprained ankle and Taylor had his arm tore up really good. I was in a coma for 11 days lost a spleen and spent the next year in and out of the hospital 3 operations and a staff infection later I begain the healing process. Well last week we finally signed the papers on our settlement. My kids are well took care of ...Heather is buying a house and Taylor's college is done .... Me and Robert got enough to pay off our bills and do some much needed repairs on this house and maybe a vacation ...I havent had one in 14 years ...the last 3 years I have had no cell phone and no car ...so these things are about to be fixed (thank you lord) So all this week has been about getting all our ducks in a row and paying people off while dancing in front of them ...I have given many an office worker a good laugh but this is a big deal for us .... many people go for the frame and fortune and all I have ever dreamed of is less bills and a working fridge .... oh I forgot to tell you the 18th of this month our fridge died quitely in the middle of the day. So now we are using the little dorm fridge that was in Roberts shop. But the blessing now is that the labor day sales are about to happen and we are going to blow electronic express off the map.....lol but well thats all its just been really busy and I have been dedicated to my working out. I think I might be building a muscle... either that or I strained something and its just swollen... but I would like to think either way that its possitive rather than negative.

I Hate Spiders ...Why? Why?

I hate them so much .... I hate them because I will kill myself getting away from them. The hairy lil monsters can be on you for hours and you never know.....spiders are ninjas..... evil little ninjas that creep me out so bad.

Driving and Cell phones .... People let admit it you cant do it!!

I got up this morning did my usual routine. Kid on bus. (Check!) Husband at work.(Check!) Jill at the gym. (Check!) I had just three places to stop and run errands and then home. I got behind 3 women that were too busy talking on their phone that they couldn't be bothered to either drive the speed limit or pull all the way into the middle lane to turn and the last one went to turn and apparently she could finish her turn due to the riveting conversation she was having. I am not going to lie to you and tell you I suffered these idiots in silence.... oh no no ....there was screaming and waving of hands ( I did resisted the urge to flip some of them off. Yes hello my name is Jill and I suffer from road rage.) and blowing my horn at them. Then as I was headed to wally world ... our light changed from red to green and I like the guy to my right took off and this lady that was getting into the turning lane on the other side of the light just kept coming into my lane .... I look and there is a lady late 30's with a cell phone to her ear and she is trying her best to read something being held by the only thing navigating this huge SUV. Finally she sees me and the phone falls from her ear and both hands hit the wheel and she swears back but still left her in most of my lane so much that I had to let traffic clear so I could go around her vehicle. I am having that wordless conversation with her .... Me hands in the air yelling words that only I can hear and her no where to go with that sheepish look on her face til finally she just looked the other way til I sped off. People please let us except the fact that you guys cant drive and talk at the same time... I am sure there are a few exceptions to the rule but not enough of you to make any kind a difference because to they out number you. Now I have actually seen a cop in Murfreesboro Tennessee my hometown driving and talking on his cell phone and the only thing I had with me was my piece of junk camera and I asked my son to film him but my son wasn't still enough to catch him.... but this is a fact that if our men in blue don't abide by the this law themselves then they sure aren't going to arrest anyone doing it. Oh but my find fellow blabbermouths that cant wait 3 minutes to call their girlfriends and tell them that they have found a sale that cant be missed .... (I call out women because as many times as this has happened to me it has yet to be a man) .... anyway if you EVER make contact with my car while you are on that cellphone .... please let the police know that you don't need an ambulance that you need a special doctor to remove your phone from your backside!!!! I have spent two years healing from a drunk driver and I refuse to endure anoughter idiot without any thought for anyone other than themselves. So please understand my rage in this matter.

Craigslist: Friend or Foe?

This weekend Jamie and I headed out to our weekend Yard sales ... We drove all over town and the yard sales either a) sucked B) sucked or c) Really sucked. Now this makes me start to wonder.... Is craigslist killing my favorite summer activity? Are people putting all my potential treasures on craigslsit for the fastest and highest bidder. Heavens I hope not. This would kill my very soul. We even took a break and ate breakfast and went back and nothing what is happening. Well I will not post pictures of my finds because all that I came out with was a few shirts that I purchased at the very first yard sale ..... and Jamie I think got a hoodie. These are the days that send us how empty handed and sad. But I still have 14.00 left in my purse unused yard sale money for next week.

Jamie and I are plotting at Yard sale adventure to Brentwood Tennessee where all our rich people resides. We figured we would relocated and seek adventures in far away lands.

I also realized one other fact is that I have to obtain is a camera phone because trying to take pictures at other peoples yard sales with a regular camera just makes you creepy McCreepy. I got a few with the excuse that I was wanting to show what ever it was to my husband when I got home but that only goes so far. I need a camera phone and then I wont even have to ask I can just shoot away. Well what can I say the name of my blog says it all I probably wont ever get my stuff all togeather ... but we are always trying and that is all that matters

Hornet on Hormones

Well it was fam off to the races .... then My daughter Heather came over for a haircut via momma. Lord was she in a funky mood. Then .... we went to the garage and there was the largest hornet I have ever seen in my entire 43 years






HERE IT IS!





















My weapon of choice!














Here it is kissing its butt goodbye.









Non-curled it was a little over a inch long.












That is so gross!
I know that I will catch
grief for killing it but neighbors
it was this thing or me and I picked
ME


Nature 0
Procrasinista 1


CHEERS!


CHEERS!


No applause just throw money!

I finished a project today and it almost killed me.

Lord help me .... see this is why I dont finish any of my projects. They stress me to the utter most of my being. I swear to you that 90% of the day was running around in a panic. My mind kept floating away from me ...

I swear to you once my inner voice even convinced me that I needed to go paint my

toes and I got out the nail polish and everything before I realized what I was doing!

And here it is all done!!!!

But I hung in there and I finished the Bible reading poster for my girls I teach on weds. night at our church. So instead of doing 3 projects a day I am going to lower my goal to one a day and if I finish more than one ...well you can bet that the world is coming to an end. I watched two hours of daytime T.V. today something I never ever do but it was because I was chained to coffee table where I set up shop to work on this poster.... No wonder women are so messed up ... Their shows are mindset toward those women who spend 3 hours in a tanning bed and have their nails done every other day, You know the ones that dont spank their kids and have their kids in 12 afterschool activities. They give women instructions on how to find and trap a man. How to bleed that said man to death after the catch.

My brain hurts afterwards. I really wasnt meaning to sit and watch it ...I just needed background sounds because if give me silence and I start hearing things and get paranoid. Note to self lets just turn the radio on when we work.

"Back to School" means "Back to the Gym"

Remember in my post "I think my husband is fatting me up" Well when I said that me and Ashlee were headed to the gym ... Well that is where we were for about 2 hours and 20 minutes. I am not going to tell you that this day was horrible and that I almost died because like always when I go to the gym after a long sabbatical this first day is never the problem. Its always the day after the one where my loving husband has to roll my sore butt out of the bed because I dont have the nerve to. I got there like 30 minutes before Ashlee because I poke my husband out of bed early because he is always slow at getting ready. This one morning he was like 10 minutes and ready to head out the door...so it got me there too too early ... I hopped on the Elliptial for 25 minutes and 56 seconds before Ashlee got there so when she got there I starting talking to her and ended up on it for like 45 minute and when I went to get off my legs were like jelly. Then we did 12 arm machines and hit the treadmill for like 15 minutes. Then we rewarded our self with healthy choice of Subway! Take that Robert no lunch for you my man!! Haha foiled again. But it was nice hanging with an adult again...grown-up conversations and everything.

Ashlee's Goal Gift: ( the present that you buy yourself once your set goal weight is aquired) is a full steam punk outfit corrset and all. It got me to thinking what is going to be my GG??? Something to think about!

I think my husband is fatting me up !!

O.k SO I totally forgot last night when I came back from dinner to post this bit I have to tell you something ...



I THINK ROBERT (*Husband*)IS GOING TO EAT ME!! Like for dinner!


I had a really bad emotional day ...you know ladies everything pisses you off and you want to blame it all on your husband or your kids ...yeah you know, well we had a talk because of all the bad habits my husband has he is a awesome partner and when I get really crazy like yesterday he sits and talks me off the cliff.

Well I was almost at the end of pouring out my soul and I was commenting on how I really need to lose all this weight that I have gained when my loving and caring husband looks at me and says "Thats great honey but we are still going out to eat tonight" So it was at that moment that I started fearing for my life .... not only did we go to outback for steaks and chicken we stopped in at Krogers and got Ice cream, donuts and cinny-bunns good heavens. I went to bed miserable last night I was so miserible I couldnt even sleep ....but I guess I havent hit target weight yet because I woke this morning to see anoughter day. Belive you me that I am keeping my eye on him.
This isnt an isolated thing I was at Walgreens today and my friend Ashley was there and of course this is Tennessee so we have to Jaw for serval minutes and apparently her fiance Shannon is doing the same thing to her so both of us are headed to the gym!!


anyway night guys this time for real.

Purging ..... Things that are good for my soul!!

Well today we got up at 7 church at 8:30 Got all of Taylors school supplies read the title folks I am not joking I wait always til I only have like less that 24 hours to get it done ..then something in me kicks into high gear and with the help of the Lord almighty ...I prevail somehow. Being in that crunch gives me a high and when I come out of smelling like a rose, well to me that is the ultimate high! I got that high at about 10:38 this morning at Wally- World.

Once I finally got everyone home I informed my loving husband Robert (God love him) that we were going to clean out of underneath the Huge dresser that we refer to as "ole Bertha" and under our bed well we purged the hell out of that room and somehow for me I can breathe better when I know that everthing is in its place ... Robert had sinus problems so I know he just loved the hell out of this day. I figured that it beat the 100+ heat outside .... I even forgo the thought of mowing our lawn because #1 it is hotter that crap and #2 because of the heat the grass hasnt grown any. It blows my mind when my neighbor are out there mowing absolutely nothing blowing up dust because there is nothing else. Dumbasses. Now here I sit in my craft room that now houses all the shit that I didnt know where to put ...I need more organizational skills I think or a match...OOooo a match!!

Fire ...as we travel this werid life of mine you will uncover that I am a massive fire bug Pyro nutcase and why my house hasnt burned to the ground a couple of time is just the good graces of the Lord. Now I have to leave you great folk and go call my daighter who I totally told her I was going to her house and cut her hair and well .... maybe tommorrow ..Yeah tommorrow hopefully it will always be there ...night folks

"Six Conversational Habits to Ditch Today."

O.k. guys I came across this page that was titled

　

It blew me away because out of the Six I am total guilty of 5 of these.

　

This scared me!

　

1.Focusing on Your Inner Monologue Instead of the Dialogue in Front of You

2.Double-tasking While You Chat

3.Cutting People off Mid-Sentence

4.Fishing for Compliments

5.Throwing off Compliments with Self-Effacing Remarks

6.Seeking Attention by Complaining About Your Life

　

Number 4 is the only one that I dont do ...which I dont understand that

one if you have number 5 .... I am always putting myself down all the time

I couldnt imagine fishing for someone to say something nice to me because

then I would have to blow whatever they said nice about me out of the water .

I know that my real mother giving me up to someone else is the reason I have

incorporated these habits and thats great that you spent an hour telling me I

need to quit these habits ...is there a list anywhere of "how" You quit doing

these things to yourself when they are old deep rooted habits...what is the

blueprint on undoing these self destroying habits?

Yard Sale Rules

Sry guys this week we will be skipping the Yard sales due to lack of money and because that money that I am lacking is having to go to school stuff. So instead of Yard Sales today I am going to state a few of what I consider Yard Sale rules some will be for the person hosting the yardsale and some will be for the yard sale customer. Please if I have missed any let me know and I may list them .

Host:

*Be neat and clean this doesnt cost you any money just a little effort
and organization skills.

*Dont put out dirty or stain clothes dont pile all you clothes on a tarp,
even if you cant hang them sort them and fold them into neat piles.

*Price items ...it saves time ... Your time!

*NO UNDER GARMENTS: dirty or clean new or used this is just gross and
makes me get in my car and leave because you are nasty! (things that make
you go ewwww!)

*Porn or adult items (Yes I have come across this) lots of people hit these
yardsales with there kids. Be kid friendly... its common sence people, but
if you didnt know, you do now.



*Over priced items: Come on people it is a yard sale not a consignment shop
and I dont care how much you gave for it. I really dont want to pay much
as you did. This is why I am here at 7:02 in the morning .... it is used, sell it as such!

Seems like you are trying to pay a huge house note with your sale.

*Dont walk around hounding me to buy something like some sales person in a
department store. I have left a many of a sale because of this.

Do not have your over zealous kid trying to hound me to buy stuff like a salesman it isnt cute and it makes me want to kick him.

*Have more than one table of stuff or donate it to Goodwill. There is nothing
worse than driving several miles and there is not even anything to look at!!!



SIGNS!!!



*People lets talk about signs.

First off STOP USING the thin paper like "POSTER BOARDS" They get a little moisture on them that early in the morning and they fold up and then we cant read where you are located ... You are not getting customers and are not making any money. Take the extra few dollars and buy the thick poster boards or use a piece of plywood.

*What to write on these signs.

*Write everything the same size because if when I pass it all I can read is Yard sale well some people just arent willing to get lost. Write yard sale or garage sale or patio sale ... whatever and then write what day(s) and then the street name.

*Dont list the items for sale it just junks up the sign use good handwriting if you dont have it ask someone else to write the sign.

*Also have someone hold the sign up and walk about 20 feet back and make sure that it is readable to someone far away. You might even want to drive by it at a slow speed just to see if it is readable.

*Once that sign has been attached. then at every turn or even if its a long drive ...post arrows with the same color that was on the main sign ...it comforts me the yard saler that I have not gotten lost and I am headed in the right direction .

*On the main road sign fly a few Balloon this is a sign to the customer "congrats you have arrived" Yeah its goofy but either you want to make a couple hundred buck by the end of the day or you dont.

And Please Please Please dont be lazy and not remove your Yard sale sign.. I am a firm believer that these people should be publicly hung but others have told me that that kind of thinking is a little extreme.... Yet I dont think so. I think there should be a fine at least for these people.



Yard Sale Customer:


Do not think that we have forgotten about you!

* Respect the seller and being in their yard.

* Put your cigarettes out before you even touch a toe on their driveway.

* Dont block driveways , not the yard sellers or their neighbors

* Dont walk in the Yard Salers neighbors Yard.

* Haggling is o.k. but when the owner say No ..... No means No here too.

* Dont try out any items unless you have the premission of the owner.

O.k. thats all I got now. If I see more I will add them... thank you for you time and good yardsales.

Yard Sale Saturday ...its a religion

Hello, and welcome to the very first posting of "Procrasinista" Which sums up my life thousands of projects and very few I have finished . My name is Jill and I will be Your hostess, so now I will shut up and you can begin our first adventure.






Well I was supposed to get up at 6 this morning to the alarm that I set last night, but I woke at 6:13 because I set it for p.m. instead of a.m. Oh well not that bad. I noticed a few clouds but nothing horrible. (Glasses for baggy, swollen ,I am up too early after no sleep glasses.)

I stopped by the ATM for my money, got to my best friend Jamies house around 7 and she was sitting on her front porch waiting on me. I got out of the truck and left my camera in the truck so there will be not pictures today of actual yardsaling because I suck at normal everyday brain skills.

The sky threated all morning that it was going to drown us ...we even watched people putting up there yardsales because chickens where afraid of a little water.

We probably hit 15-20 yard Sales.

Jamie got an awesome picture that came from Kirklands for $3.00 and I came away with some new shirts and shorts. A brand new doggie style (lol) cookie cutters that I use for my polymer clay and the werid thing is that I am making the embellisments for my daughter puppy Oliver's scrapbooking and I have been looking everywere for more than just the bone cookie cutters and Lo and behold ...there just appeared like "magic".





Here is my daughter Heather and here "Puppy" Oliver.


















Here is the cookie cutters

















And I got them all for a dollar



















and here is the really werid thing I came across ..... I hit one of the yard sales
and being the craft diva that I am digging in the craft stuff and look what I came across


<------------

My sons name is Taylor now its off to Micheal's
for the letter "R".














And for only 10 cents a letter ... Yoo Haa !!!!!








Well until next weekend unless it is pouring down raining ....Good luck and Good Yardsaling!!