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Sunday, May 12, 2013

Motherless Mothers DaY

Today is May the 12 2013...... Its mothers day ... I prepare gifts for my mother-in law and get ready for my kids to come over for dinner. Today is a day also where I go get flowers and take them to my Mothers grave site ..... I sit and talk to her and tell her whats going in my life and how the kids are doing. I am always amazed at how many years its been since she passed. Let me tell you about my mother.

Her name was Nettie Mae DuBois she was 74 years old when she died. Her birthday was December 11 1927. My mothers  ...mother died when mom was around 11 years old..they said of malnutrition but may years later mom got type1 diabetes so I think that is probably  what her mom had but they just didn't know that's what she had back then even if she went to the doctor at all back in those days. She was raised by her father Albrey Delbridge and her older sisters.My mother later fell in love with Jessie Dee DuBois. He was from the poor side of the tracks and knowing that her father would not approve of Dee she met him secretly ... became engaged and during this engagement they found out that Moms father had cancer. My mother married my father privately before her father passed. She cared for her dieing father and would sneak off to spend small amounts of time with her newly wedded husband. When Albrey died mom and dad started their life together. Soon they found out that after years of trying that they could not have children .....ok I know you are like what the heck .... how are you their kid if they couldn't have kids well let me tell you the rest of the story.

I was born on October 30th 1966. Jill Renee Johnston. I was the youngest of 4 children. I was given up to my great aunt and uncle by marriage when I was 9 months old. I was told that one day when my biological mother came to pick me up and because she left me with Nettie and Dee for long periods of time Nettie jokingly told her that maybe she should just give me to them ..... and the next week she brought me with all my stuff and gave me to Nettie and Dee.. She left me with them when Nettie was 40 years old and Dee was 51. Now here I sit at 46 years old and I see the sacrifice that they made taking me in at that late in the game. They didn't have to take me ...they just did ... they stepped up to a plate that two people have walked away from.... they took me kindergarten and bought me not one but two pony's. We lived on a 99 acre farm. We went on vacations and went fishing and we went to church ..... I played Mary in the Christmas plays .... so much normal it would scare you.Now we weren't perfect, but it was a great childhood with two parents that loved me. My mother hand washed my clothes and taught me to tell time. We would work in the garden together. When mom would can pears she had to do it as fast as possible because I would eat them so fast it wasn't even funny. I remember one year my mother had waited 7 years for her peony bush to bloom and it finally did, one single bloom and I was around 4 years old and I remember picking that flower and running around the back of the house to hide because I knew I had done wrong. I remember her being upset but hugging me and telling me that it was just a flower and that I meant more to her than that silly flower. She loved me with out bounds even through my teenage years. In 82 my father Dee died of a massive heart attack .... I worried that she would go with him .... but then a couple of years later mom met Chester Bly and her stood by mom til she passed in 2002. She was an awesome mother and to my kids she was a blessing to be my kids Memaw. She met my husband only once when she was in the hospital and she asked him if he was going to take care of her little girl ... my husband said yes and a few days later my mother when to be with the Lord. So be thankful this Mothers day if you have the blessing of going to your mother and hugging her ...placing a kiss on her cheek ....taking her to lunch... because for some of us .... its flowers and a one sided conversation at the grave yard..... and a void in our heart that will only be filled when we


join her in heaven one day. I love you mom and I miss you every day and I a grateful for the sacrifice you made to take care of a little girl who had no one.https://www.facebook.com/

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Jessica Dee Hoover Aug.19 1985 - Sept 7th 1985

Sometime in the month of Feb 1985 I became pregnant with my first child. I remember it was my fiance Jimmy and my brother Kenneth were at the clinic with me ...I came outside where they were standing and told them the good news. Jimmy was so happy. I didn't want to get married at this point even though we were in the middle of planning our wedding this came about. I didn't want it to look like we had to get married so I called off the wedding ...but after a couple of months Jimmy talked me into it because he so wanted our child to have his last name...at about 4 months pregnant we got married southern style in front of a judge with his sister and her boyfriend as witnesses. The bride wore a blue sundress because it was big enough. I wore blue cameo earrings that I still have to this day. That were borrowed from his grandmother. We came home and he went fishing and I started cooking dinner. I was about 6 months pregnant ....and the pregnancy felt weird.....I had this strange feeling that something was wrong with the baby. Everyone told me that I was just worried and its was just first time pregnancy pains. I tried to put it out of my mine but that weird feeling never left me. about 10:00 on August the 18th I went to the bathroom and felt some kind of leakage happening. I told Jimmy that we needed to go to the hospital that something wasn't right. Jimmy was so excited that the baby was coming it was dawning on him that she was coming 3 months too early. They did all they could to stop the contractions but the baby was in distress and they rushed me to a hospital Vanderbilt Medical hospital in Nashville Tennessee and there Jessica Dee Hoover was born at 7:15 that morning she weighed in at 3 pounds and 2 ounces. She has blood on the brain. She had Jaundice. She had a virus called the CMV Virus. Its simple ...I caught a cold and its like a 1 in 10,000 chance that she could catch it but ...she did and it did a lot of damage to my little girl. It was hard to grip how tiny she was. Jimmy could hold her in one of his big hands. Here we were two kids ...not only having a kid but I premature one. My world spun out of control. I prayed even when doctors took me into their office and told me there was no hope for her. Here health during this time would improve and then decline ...it was a nightmare roller coaster that I couldn't get off and I had to hold my head up high and know that God had this. I stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks. They took blood ...so much blood and ran test on me. You see Jessica was one of 7 kids that had contracted this virus and they weren't understanding it fulling so they were running every test know to man on me and my little girl trying to beat a ticking time bomb which was going to be my daughters death. on the 9th day of my stay I was walking down one of the halls trying to get my strenght back and I heard a voice I cant tell you either in my head but it sound just like hearing a person talk to you... and it told me that my daughter was going to leave me and that it was o.k. That it was the way thinks where supposed to work out. I stepped back ...I thought it was my own minds voice or maybe the devil trying to make me lose my faith... but at that moment I was ashamed that I even entertain an idea like that .....but I later I figured that it had to be God preparing me for my daughters departure. One Sept.7th 1985 my daughter left this world. to perfect for the sin of this world she went back to be with her father and there she wait for me and one day I will see her again and I will hold her in my arms and she will call my name "Mommy". I still have a void in my soul where she firs perfectly. I know the Lord has a plan for this ....for it to make me stronger for it to make me love my daughter Heather and my son Taylor more than I would have without her. She is in this little box in my heart and every now and again I get it out and I remember every smile and sound she made and the way she felt in my arms and how her little heart would just race when she would her her fathers voice and how blessed I was to have her in my life if only for a brief moment it was one of the best moments of my my life and nothing in this world will ever come close to it. I held on to a real angel and it was amazing and scary and I would do it again all over again just hold her again.

George Foreman Mind blower

Hi .... today's blog is going to be titled "The George Foreman Grill Mind blower" I am always looking for ways that get me the heck out of the kitchen. Just because I was born with "Lady Parts" did not make me a automatic chef. I have never had a natural desire to cook. With that said I am going to share with you something so simple ...but every time I tell someone about it ...they freak out on me .... like wow that's is awesome!! Why in the world didn't I think of that. So I thought it was time to blog it ...Pin it and face book this for the people out there that not only hate to cook but hate to clean as
well. First you need a George Foreman Grill ...




 any size .... this is one of those times that size really doesn't matter. As you can see mine gets alot of use.

Now you are going to need some Tin Foil. I use Reynolds Wrap because it is thicker.



You pull off enough tin foil to cover the bottom and top of your grill
Meat on foil
 Season it or not


Now here is a freebie that I am going to throw out there just because of the good human being that I am. See that black tray in the picture above .... Well place that under the food "BEFORE" you start cooking so it can go ahead and catch all the grease and juices before they run all over the counter and make a total mess and make you say words that you have to pray about later!!!

                         Place your other piece of foil on top of this and pull lid down as usual.
                       Few minutes later food is hopefully not fatal and can be consumed
(It will be hot so please handle with caution)
Chicken on platter wad up tin foil and throw away

And low and behold most of the time you will have
a clean grill that you might have to wipe down with a rag.
Most of the time it will be totally clean.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Unattached Parenting

When I first became a parent I didn't know what in the shit I was doing.

 No one prepared me for all the gross horror that I was about to face .... the screaming for hours on end the poop that was going to end up on my hands sometime my face and even once in my hair. I will also admit that there were times I didn't even want to be around my own child. Not because I didn't love her but because when my kids where little people expected you to actually raise your own kid. We didn't hand them to grandma or sister or babysitter ... ex-husbands were not as many back then.... the world really thought that you "The Parent" should rear their own offspring.

No lets address the reason for this post.

 Last week I decided to take my nephew Frederick (age 6) and my son Taylor (age 15) to go and check out the new "Kids Castle" that they had re-vamped in our neighborhood and bonus I would get to  shoot some overdue photos of my boys. We tried out everything swings, slides, flying saucers and even a grasshopper ride. Then as I stood there trying to watch them play tag this little girl came up and tugged on my pants leg and in the cutest 4 year old voice and insisted that I  "Watch This!!"  and she jumped up and down on stair steps then she proceeded to show me that she could dance followed by how far she could jump....she asked me to watch her slide down the slide and as she was climbing the tower I searched the playground area for her mother ... the little girl was about four and Hispanic so I figured young Hispanic mother or father.  I glanced over all the parents there was only one young Hispanic woman and she was sitting on a bench doing something on her phone ..... soon as I laid eyes on what I believed to be the little girls mother I heard the little girl yell at me to watch .... I yelled back that I was watching and looked back at mom she didn't even notice..... so I watched her slide down the slide laughing having a ball I switched back and forth watching this little girl and my nephew for the good bit of an hour and ever so often looking at the lady on the bench and in this stretch of 55 or so minutes she never so much as looked up once this making me start to doubt that this was the little girls mother... so I start looking at the other mothers and fathers and what struck me was that 6 of the 13 parents that were there that day were totally not watching their kids they were sitting on the benches and the picnic tables updating their face book, checking emails or texting ....and most of these parents to kids that were under 6 years old. Then I looked back to find my nephew and I saw the little girl at the Hispanic lady asking for something to drink and without taking her eyes off her phone she spoke something to the little girl and the little girl  got a juice out of her mothers purse took a drink and ran back out to the swings.


I hear all these people that are grossed out at the attachment parenting which yes some of that stuff is way too far out there for me. I have to bring light to the "Unattached Parent"   .... Parents that would rather be texting or on Face book ....hanging out with friends,  anything but spending real one on one time with their kid(s). I have a friend that is the poster child for "Unattached Parent" She is always one the phone  ...in between work and friends and her new boyfriend her daughter is lucky to get 20 hours with her a week and even when they are together she has her in front of a T.V. or her video game so that she doesn't have to actually spend time with her.... does that sound familiar? If it does its time to start reprioritizing your life and what is most important and planned or a How they hell did that happen well guess what it is your responsibility to raise these little human being .... more than providing them things, they also need your time and teachings of the "wrongs" and "rights" and to guide them through this life that is so much harder than it was 20-30 years ago ... they need you more than I needed my parents back in the early 70's. Stop for a moment ...take them to the Park or to the Zoo .....  and leave your phone in the car ....I hate to break this to you guys but back in the day we didn't have cell phones and people actually went for hours not talking or texting people constantly. I think these sweet little angels deserve your time and attention. Be present in your child's life. You chose to be a parent ...they had no choice in being your child. So thats it for this post I hope to enlighten one parent before they wake up one day and their kid is either grown and dont want anything to do with them or they are having to vist time in prison because honestly they didnt get enough hugs from mommy and daddy. Grow up and be the parent your child need, wants and deserves.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Hi .... today's blog is going to be titled "The George Foreman Grill Mind blower" I am always looking for ways that get me the heck out of the kitchen. Just because I was born with "Lady Parts" did not make me a automatic chef. I have never had a natural desire to cook. With that said I am going to share with you something so simple ...but every time I tell someone about it ...they freak out on me .... like wow that's is awesome!! Why in the world didn't I think of that. So I thought it was time to blog it ...Pin it and face book this for the people out there that not only hate to cook but hate to clean as well. First you need a George Foreman Grill ...




                                  Any size .... this is one of those times that size really doesn't matter. As
                                                    you can see mine gets alot of use.

Now you are going to need some Tin Foil. I use Reynolds Wrap because it is thicker.That helps when you are getting meat off of the tin foil.



                           You pull off enough tin foil to cover the bottom and top of your grill
Meat on foil
 Season it or not



Now here is a freebie that I am going to throw out there just because of thegood human being that I am. See that black tray in the picture above .... Well place that under the food "BEFORE" you start cooking so it can go ahead and catch all the grease and juices BEFORE
 they run all over the counter and make a total mess and make you say words that you have to pray about later!!!

                                             



                    Place your other piece of foil on top of this and pull lid down as usual.
                                           Few minutes later food is hopefully not fatal
                                                            and can be consumed
(It will be hot so please handle with caution)
Chicken on platter. Wad up tin foil and throw away.

And low and behold most of the time you will have
a clean grill that you might have to wipe down with a rag.
Most of the time it will be totally (Sorta) clean.

Thank you and God speed!!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Kid Free businesses

I heard of all these businesses that are going kid free. Then I heard all the breeders (non active parents) start cranking up about how much these business owners must be kid hater.  That you should  never step foot in there establishments. This made me laugh it was so misunderstood. Then this week not only are people stepping foot in these businesses they are gaining business..... Kid free restraunts, kid free theatres, even " kid free" cruises. Cue: breeders scratching heads and organizing internet mobs. What parents of today's spoiled, undisciplined children don't get is that it isn't the kids we hate .....IT IS YOU we hate! Understand,  if you don't get nothing else from this piece.... your kids we feel the utmost pity for. Being saddled with lazy, unresponsible parents such as yourself ...you either are too lazy to make your kids mind .. or just stupid if you think that letting them "Do their own thing" is a great choice of parenting. I think most parents today are the first kind .... I think they are kids themselves. I think they had kids because either they were copying their friends  or their parents begged and begged for grand kids, so they just joined a cult I refer to as  Breeders... now at first this was awesome they had this little being that even though they pooped and peed themselves .... they netted the parents bookoo's of attention and this probably lasted til 2 years old. Then this child need a parent. A grown-up if you will to teach them how to act and behave. Now back in the day this was doable.... parents were strong enough to take the time and patience to school their young in the lessons that would teach them to be viable human beings. The today parent is way to busy playing on the Internet ...pinning.....posting and liking other useless parents Facebook profiles..they are too busy leaving their kids with anyone that will watch them while they go shopping ...getting nails done ...tanning or getting drunk with the boy or golfing anything to escape the responsibility of raising ones young. If they do have to actually spend time with these little snot bubbles they buy them way too many toys and most of these toys are what I call "distraction toys" they are to distract the child away from needing anything from the parents that is why their are 2 billion kids out there that would rather play Call of Duty than to go out to the lake for the day. Now you sit and wonder why oh why do all these mean people hate my kids ....well they don't they honestly hate your lack of parenting skills. The way you sit there and let your kids run around these eating establishments without so much as a word. You hold these 2 year old and let them scream non stop for a spand of 20 minutes til you make me want to walk up and take the child from you and see what in the world is wrong with it. The correct thing is to take your child if you cant get them to stop crying outside and away from people that are trying to enjoy a night out. Once the child is under control you come back in ...if they are running and acting up ...1st time you take them to the bathroom and explain what will happen if they act up again ..2nd time you follow through with punishment. Now back in my day that was a spanking but now I think its a strong talking to. But if you cant make your child mind then you might want to think about eating at home .... watching netflix  ..... You have to parent people its not optional. Its a requirement. Its gotten sobad that they are throwing you and your kid out of places that has to tell you something.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

BEFORE YOU GIVE ME UP



How do you begin a story? A story that is so important for any mother who wants to give up her child. Maybe it’s the right thing for you to do? I don’t know but all I do know is the other side . We have all heard the mothers side what was the best for the childor that they forced her into it. But this blog post is the other side of the coin. This is the story of a grown woman looking back at the years of mistakes that all hinged on feeling unwanted, unloved and discarded by the most important person in her life . What I couldn't get was ...what was so bad that my own mother didn't want me. My entire life has been haunted by that question. even knowing that it was the factor that made me invite so much bad into my life and never understand why.


Until now


I am not going to do the my name is thing because I know there are more stories out there untold and unnamed. But when I was 9 months old I was given up from my mother to her uncle by marriage sister and her husband and if you can grasp the dynamics of that a blessing has already been prayed for you. My adoption or whatever you want to call it was odd at the very least.It was 1967 and my real bio mom had 4 kids . This included My oldest brother Bobby my middle brother Kenneth and my youngest brother Tim and then there was the baby girl. (I was cute I seen pictures).

Sometime that year my real mom was dropping me off while she worked. Now when I say she dropped me off I mean for a week or two at a time.

Then one day she came to pick me up and and my great aunt Nettie (Mom) Jokingly stated that as much as I stayed there ..that Gladsy should just give me to Nettie. Nothing got said on that day but the next time she brought me to Nettie she brought all my clothes and toys and GAVE me to her. Nettie was confused but thrilled because my uncle Dee(Dad) and Nettie couldn't have kids and thought it a Gods blessing that I came into there lives. But no matter how you colored it folks its still tainted with the fact that she just walked away from me.

But anyway that’s my story how in one swift moment not old enough to even realize how my life was changed forever. Nettie and Dee where in there mid 40’s and 50’s when I was dropped into their lives. I know they never even dreamed this late in the game that they would be raising a little girl. But these great people stepped up and did the greatest job in the world they loved me. I grew up knowing them both none other than mom and dad because that's what they were. I remember mom telling me that when I was little that if anyone got loud for any reason I would freak out and that we went on a trip to West Virgina and that she had just started potty me and that every time she would check me to see if I was wet I would freak out my mom firmly believed that during those first 9 months I had been around a lot of fighting and that maybe even abused. But this is the moment that I am a blessed child for being given up, God only knows what would have happened to me if my mother had kept me. Growing up with Nettie and Dee was like something made up in a book. I lived on a 99 acre farm in Middle Tennessee. My dad ran a pig farm and my mom was a stay at home mother. I remember having every animal imaginable and helping my parents feed animals, help tend a garden every year and following my father like a little puppy. It wasnt totally perfect but it was so damn close it was scary. As I look back on things now I saw that everything I did hinged on a "not good enough" feeling.....everything ... I let teacher treat me horrible and wouldnt tell my parents because I felt it was my fault. I took abuse from friends because the minute I told them the story of how I was adopted the temp in the room changed and I became the freak that everyone made fun of. I even remember a rumor that went around that my real mother was a hooker. I didnt even know what a hooker was in the 4th grade. This set the tone for 4 years of abuse at the hands of some "christian" children. I finally reached highschool..... boys suddenly became a very important subject..... but I stayed to myself but I wasnt horrible looking and I got attention from boys all the same but it wasnt the right kind of attention. I had a few boyfriends but due to the fact I didnt feel my own self worth they didnt either so they would cheat on me ...or just leave me. This is when I met my bestfriends brother. His name was Jimmy and even though at 16 years of age he didnt know it .... he was a control freak and an abuser...but he arrived saying all the right words and I was just swept away....I fell in love (remember I said that "I" fell in love) I thought that all was perfect that finally someone loved me for me and we would start a family and it would be my own and I could just put the nightmare of my mother giving me up far far behind me. I had just wrangled me a new nightmare because for the next 12 years I was abused .... mentally abused and he was always telling me that he was going to run away with our 2 year old daughter if I ever did anything that remotely looked like I was going to leave him. The life that I lead with that man actually killed some of my soul ...yes I really believe that . I finally left him after one night of him kidnapping me and beating me. He almost bit ...yes I said bit my nose off my face and I asked why and he told me he figured that if he did it then no one else would ever want me. that if he couldnt have me then no one else would. it took another 4 years of him stalking and sitting out side my new home with a gun...taping my phone calls...before I finally met and married my second husband Robert and he finally went away...... these timelines with the abusive husbands shouldnt have took so long but I had no self esteem ... my whole life revolved around the fact that every day I heard this little child like voice inside me that was always saying..... wow you own mother didnt want you what would make you think that anyone else would...better stay with him...there wont be another ...do you want to live alone for the rest of your life and what if he takes Heather and runs....what would you have then..... by this time Jimmy had run all my friends and family away and he and heather were all that I had. Still i realized that not only my exhusband...but bosses, friends, I alway and sometimes still do look down like I am not worth being in peoples way....even though I loved Nettie and Dee with all that I am ... I always felt as though I was a burden on them. I still feel that way today that I am a burden on anyone that is around me. I know that at some point I will have to sit down with someone that can help me deal with all this .... but Ladies you do need to know that instead of taking the easy road..... abortion or adoption you are so important in that little babys life....and if you tell yourself that you are doing the best for the baby your wrong you are doing what is best for you and trying to bullshit yourself into living with the mistake that you created.