Friday, June 22, 2012

Unattached Parenting

When I first became a parent I didn't know what in the shit I was doing.

 No one prepared me for all the gross horror that I was about to face .... the screaming for hours on end the poop that was going to end up on my hands sometime my face and even once in my hair. I will also admit that there were times I didn't even want to be around my own child. Not because I didn't love her but because when my kids where little people expected you to actually raise your own kid. We didn't hand them to grandma or sister or babysitter ... ex-husbands were not as many back then.... the world really thought that you "The Parent" should rear their own offspring.

No lets address the reason for this post.

 Last week I decided to take my nephew Frederick (age 6) and my son Taylor (age 15) to go and check out the new "Kids Castle" that they had re-vamped in our neighborhood and bonus I would get to  shoot some overdue photos of my boys. We tried out everything swings, slides, flying saucers and even a grasshopper ride. Then as I stood there trying to watch them play tag this little girl came up and tugged on my pants leg and in the cutest 4 year old voice and insisted that I  "Watch This!!"  and she jumped up and down on stair steps then she proceeded to show me that she could dance followed by how far she could jump....she asked me to watch her slide down the slide and as she was climbing the tower I searched the playground area for her mother ... the little girl was about four and Hispanic so I figured young Hispanic mother or father.  I glanced over all the parents there was only one young Hispanic woman and she was sitting on a bench doing something on her phone ..... soon as I laid eyes on what I believed to be the little girls mother I heard the little girl yell at me to watch .... I yelled back that I was watching and looked back at mom she didn't even notice..... so I watched her slide down the slide laughing having a ball I switched back and forth watching this little girl and my nephew for the good bit of an hour and ever so often looking at the lady on the bench and in this stretch of 55 or so minutes she never so much as looked up once this making me start to doubt that this was the little girls mother... so I start looking at the other mothers and fathers and what struck me was that 6 of the 13 parents that were there that day were totally not watching their kids they were sitting on the benches and the picnic tables updating their face book, checking emails or texting ....and most of these parents to kids that were under 6 years old. Then I looked back to find my nephew and I saw the little girl at the Hispanic lady asking for something to drink and without taking her eyes off her phone she spoke something to the little girl and the little girl  got a juice out of her mothers purse took a drink and ran back out to the swings.

I hear all these people that are grossed out at the attachment parenting which yes some of that stuff is way too far out there for me. I have to bring light to the "Unattached Parent"   .... Parents that would rather be texting or on Face book ....hanging out with friends,  anything but spending real one on one time with their kid(s). I have a friend that is the poster child for "Unattached Parent" She is always one the phone between work and friends and her new boyfriend her daughter is lucky to get 20 hours with her a week and even when they are together she has her in front of a T.V. or her video game so that she doesn't have to actually spend time with her.... does that sound familiar? If it does its time to start reprioritizing your life and what is most important and planned or a How they hell did that happen well guess what it is your responsibility to raise these little human being .... more than providing them things, they also need your time and teachings of the "wrongs" and "rights" and to guide them through this life that is so much harder than it was 20-30 years ago ... they need you more than I needed my parents back in the early 70's. Stop for a moment ...take them to the Park or to the Zoo .....  and leave your phone in the car ....I hate to break this to you guys but back in the day we didn't have cell phones and people actually went for hours not talking or texting people constantly. I think these sweet little angels deserve your time and attention. Be present in your child's life. You chose to be a parent ...they had no choice in being your child. So thats it for this post I hope to enlighten one parent before they wake up one day and their kid is either grown and dont want anything to do with them or they are having to vist time in prison because honestly they didnt get enough hugs from mommy and daddy. Grow up and be the parent your child need, wants and deserves.