Husband Grooming

Yes ... you read that right Spouse Grooming, Its when a "friend" "Co-Worker" Set into being everything you as their Wife/Husband are not. They take time to listen to your spouse because innocently they will tell these people all their marrige problems then the Groomers will figure out what is missing or lacking in your marriage then they slowly talk to your spouse and slowly morph into that person your are failing to be. The conversation also always head innocently into a sexual nature and his is when the Groomergets to innocently tell your spouse all the great things that they can do for them sexually and from where they have sat and listening to all the lacking points of your marriage can totally get big points in this area .... but once they have brooched the subject both parties usually knows where this relationship is headed.
Sometimes its just a game people play without any intent of hooking up with them sometimes its just the high of getting attention from someone .... but sometimes these Grooming sessions end marriages.

Let me explain to you ..... My husbands ex-girfriend reconnected with both of us around our 8th year of marriage. My husband even asked if it was o.k. if she was friends with us. I being a full believer in trust, said yes. Fully convident that my husband would never cheat on me. This ran into her coming to a huge Halloween bash that I throw every year and us being invited to her kids birthday parties. I thought that things were going along just great.Not that we were besties or anything but they seemed o.k. Now here is where the red flags popped and I ignored them (Note: never ignore red flag) She ended up without a job and my husband and I worked at the same place and once again my husband asked me would I mind if he asked my boss if they had a job for her and once again.... I said "Sure" Well that is where this little nightmare begins. It stared with the fact that she was working third shift and I was working dayshift and my husand kinda hit right in between. So if my husband had to stay late enough which was a couple of nights a week they would sit at the picnic table and talk. I am sure that my husband talked to her about how our marriage had changed since the wreck. (Had a wreak about 5 years ago almost died took along recovery time) So this girl  K.C was grooming herself to be the girl that I wasnt to my husband...please dont get this broken I blame both partys takes two to dance this dance. But as I would come in to work she would constainly tell me that she either talk to my husband or facebooked him or texted him and all red flags but the one that had the brightest red light was when she poked me and told me if I ever needed help with him *wink*  *wink* she would be there for me. I told my husband all of this and he asked if I wanted him to quit talking to her.... but I didnt want to sound jealous I said no .... (Dumb move again)  Well the year rolled on her family attended our Halloween party and Christmas came and went ... We got her a candleholder and candle and she got us bath towel and a candle ...these gifts will matter later. My husband had accumulated too many vacation days at work so for about three weeks he was going to have to take Monday and Tuesday off for the next three weeks. The first Monday I came home from work and there was my loving husband .... I asked him how was his day off ....what did you end up doing I asked ....nothing he responded , I told him 

that was exactly what a vacation day was for.. When in fact my husband had went out to eat lunch with K.C. and she had to give him the hat she bought him for Christmas  .... their lunch date was on April the 11th 2012. I came home on Wednesday of that week and my husband of 9 years informs me that she has given him a hat and it was a Christmas present. I asked "Why is she giving you a Christmas present we have already done Christmas....Then he informs me that its because he made her a braclet to go with a necklace that she already had. .... The he lowered the lunch date on me. I blew up seven way of Sunday he said he didnt tell me because he knew I would get angry.... Really?  Now .... let me tell you ladies ... and some will argue but you trust me second marriage trusted both of them to the max and have been served my ass on a platter both times .... if your wife has a male friend or your husband has a female friend..... almost always there is one party in that pair that wants the other ..... your husband or wife might be the one wanting or maybe they are the one wanted.... but it starts slowly and some even innocently were neither of them knew they had feeling .... but one of them will start turning into the spouse that you are not and they can because they dont have to be that person all the time ...just the few minutes or hour that they get to spend with the person you love, Then all of a sudden you get that speach of how its not you or anything you did ....they didnt mean for it to happen......it just happened ...no my friends it doesnt  JUST happen ......it grows slowly and its called emotional cheating and honest to me its worse that phyical cheating because ...the heart is involved. This happens in factories and  cubicles all around the world and ....you the spouse are caught off guard. So if the spouse is dressing better or putting on cologne/perfume when he/she used to not ...... Realize that this is a "RED FLAG" and that your marriage is in jeapory. If it wasnt for my husbands conscience ....I always wonder where that relationship might have gone. My husband and I are still in the beginnings of trying to even figure out if this is worth saving. I have never had something hurt me so deeply and emotionally. Be careful of the women/men  married or not that standing or touching your spouse too much. Attached men have no need to hang out with married or single women As do attached women have no reason to hang out with married or single men. You are just asking for trouble and any desent man or woman  know this. Eyes open ladies/Gentlemen ....from me to you ....

George Foreman Mind blower

Hi .... today's blog is going to be titled "The George Foreman Grill Mind blower" I am always looking for ways that get me the heck out of the kitchen. Just because I was born with "Lady Parts" did not make me a automatic chef. I have never had a natural desire to cook. With that said I am going to share with you something so simple ...but every time I tell someone about it ...they freak out on me .... like wow that's is awesome!! Why in the world didn't I think of that. So I thought it was time to blog it ...Pin it and face book this for the people out there that not only hate to cook but hate to clean as
well. First you need a George Foreman Grill ...

 any size .... this is one of those times that size really doesn't matter. As you can see mine gets alot of use.

Now you are going to need some Tin Foil. I use Reynolds Wrap because it is thicker.



You pull off enough tin foil to cover the bottom and top of your grill

Meat on foil

 Season it or not

Now here is a freebie that I am going to throw out there just because of the good human being that I am. See that black tray in the picture above .... Well place that under the food "BEFORE" you start cooking so it can go ahead and catch all the grease and juices before they run all over the counter and make a total mess and make you say words that you have to pray about later!!!

                         Place your other piece of foil on top of this and pull lid down as usual.

                       Few minutes later food is hopefully not fatal and can be consumed

(It will be hot so please handle with caution)

Chicken on platter wad up tin foil and throw away

And low and behold most of the time you will have

a clean grill that you might have to wipe down with a rag.

Most of the time it will be totally clean.

Unattached Parenting

When I first became a parent I didn't know what in the shit I was doing.

 No one prepared me for all the gross horror that I was about to face .... the screaming for hours on end the poop that was going to end up on my hands sometime my face and even once in my hair. I will also admit that there were times I didn't even want to be around my own child. Not because I didn't love her but because when my kids where little people expected you to actually raise your own kid. We didn't hand them to grandma or sister or babysitter ... ex-husbands were not as many back then.... the world really thought that you "The Parent" should rear their own offspring.

No lets address the reason for this post.

 Last week I decided to take my nephew Frederick (age 6) and my son Taylor (age 15) to go and check out the new "Kids Castle" that they had re-vamped in our neighborhood and bonus I would get to  shoot some overdue photos of my boys. We tried out everything swings, slides, flying saucers and even a grasshopper ride. Then as I stood there trying to watch them play tag this little girl came up and tugged on my pants leg and in the cutest 4 year old voice and insisted that I  "Watch This!!"  and she jumped up and down on stair steps then she proceeded to show me that she could dance followed by how far she could jump....she asked me to watch her slide down the slide and as she was climbing the tower I searched the playground area for her mother ... the little girl was about four and Hispanic so I figured young Hispanic mother or father.  I glanced over all the parents there was only one young Hispanic woman and she was sitting on a bench doing something on her phone ..... soon as I laid eyes on what I believed to be the little girls mother I heard the little girl yell at me to watch .... I yelled back that I was watching and looked back at mom she didn't even notice..... so I watched her slide down the slide laughing having a ball I switched back and forth watching this little girl and my nephew for the good bit of an hour and ever so often looking at the lady on the bench and in this stretch of 55 or so minutes she never so much as looked up once this making me start to doubt that this was the little girls mother... so I start looking at the other mothers and fathers and what struck me was that 6 of the 13 parents that were there that day were totally not watching their kids they were sitting on the benches and the picnic tables updating their face book, checking emails or texting ....and most of these parents to kids that were under 6 years old. Then I looked back to find my nephew and I saw the little girl at the Hispanic lady asking for something to drink and without taking her eyes off her phone she spoke something to the little girl and the little girl  got a juice out of her mothers purse took a drink and ran back out to the swings.


I hear all these people that are grossed out at the attachment parenting which yes some of that stuff is way too far out there for me. I have to bring light to the "Unattached Parent"   .... Parents that would rather be texting or on Face book ....hanging out with friends,  anything but spending real one on one time with their kid(s). I have a friend that is the poster child for "Unattached Parent" She is always one the phone  ...in between work and friends and her new boyfriend her daughter is lucky to get 20 hours with her a week and even when they are together she has her in front of a T.V. or her video game so that she doesn't have to actually spend time with her.... does that sound familiar? If it does its time to start reprioritizing your life and what is most important and planned or a How they hell did that happen well guess what it is your responsibility to raise these little human being .... more than providing them things, they also need your time and teachings of the "wrongs" and "rights" and to guide them through this life that is so much harder than it was 20-30 years ago ... they need you more than I needed my parents back in the early 70's. Stop for a moment ...take them to the Park or to the Zoo .....  and leave your phone in the car ....I hate to break this to you guys but back in the day we didn't have cell phones and people actually went for hours not talking or texting people constantly. I think these sweet little angels deserve your time and attention. Be present in your child's life. You chose to be a parent ...they had no choice in being your child. So thats it for this post I hope to enlighten one parent before they wake up one day and their kid is either grown and dont want anything to do with them or they are having to vist time in prison because honestly they didnt get enough hugs from mommy and daddy. Grow up and be the parent your child need, wants and deserves.

Hi .... today's blog is going to be titled "The George Foreman Grill Mind blower" I am always looking for ways that get me the heck out of the kitchen. Just because I was born with "Lady Parts" did not make me a automatic chef. I have never had a natural desire to cook. With that said I am going to share with you something so simple ...but every time I tell someone about it ...they freak out on me .... like wow that's is awesome!! Why in the world didn't I think of that. So I thought it was time to blog it ...Pin it and face book this for the people out there that not only hate to cook but hate to clean as well. First you need a George Foreman Grill ...

                                  Any size .... this is one of those times that size really doesn't matter. As
                                                    you can see mine gets alot of use.

Now you are going to need some Tin Foil. I use Reynolds Wrap because it is thicker.That helps when you are getting meat off of the tin foil.



                           You pull off enough tin foil to cover the bottom and top of your grill

Meat on foil

 Season it or not

Now here is a freebie that I am going to throw out there just because of thegood human being that I am. See that black tray in the picture above .... Well place that under the food "BEFORE" you start cooking so it can go ahead and catch all the grease and juices BEFORE
 they run all over the counter and make a total mess and make you say words that you have to pray about later!!!

                                             



                    Place your other piece of foil on top of this and pull lid down as usual.

                                           Few minutes later food is hopefully not fatal
                                                            and can be consumed

(It will be hot so please handle with caution)

Chicken on platter. Wad up tin foil and throw away.

And low and behold most of the time you will have

a clean grill that you might have to wipe down with a rag.

Most of the time it will be totally (Sorta) clean.

Thank you and God speed!!

Cell phones and your kids

I know that I am going to catch alot of heck for what I am about to write ... but I dont write in this blog to please people or to get people to vist my website. I write in this blog either because I think something is funny,sad, cute  ...or something has pissed me off and I feel that I need to share it with the world. I think most of the time that the world his headed to hell in a hand basket and there isnt a damn thing we can do to turn it around ... Well todays topic is ....(drum roll please) kids and what is too young to have a cell phone. I was reading on CafeMom and this mom Becky posted:

11yo talking about sex on cell phone?

Quote Like Reply to Post

I have talked to my 11 year old daughter about sex before. About abstinance, disease, pregnancy and all that, but the other day, i saw a text on her phone that made me realize that that her and a boy were having a conversation about sex, and i'm having a hard time with what i should say to her about it. I asked her what the conversation was about, and she told me that this boy told her that he had been having "wierd" thoughts about her, like of them making out and stuff. She says she has not done anything, but i am looking for advise about what to say to her, how to react without overreacting. She is my only child, so i haven't had to deal with anything like this before...HELP!

Now lets stop right there.... Why in Gods name does an 11 year old child have a cell phone? I think we put that internet into these young childrens hands with the thought that everyones kids have a cell phone. I feel they would be safer if they have a cell phone .... and then the one that drives me to cuss...parents that feel they have equpped their child with a cell phone sitter and they dont have to worry about them. at 11 years old I always knew where my kids where...they were either with me or at school or with a family member. I didnt need to call my eleven year old because 90% of the time they were with me and if not I had the number of the person that I deemed worthy enough to watch my kids. We go to a rather large church and one Wednesday night my son who was 14 years old at the time was being made fun of by a 6 year old because she had a cell phone and my son did not. Really? Wow!!   I believe fully that we are throwing an adult world at these kids and they are not ready for it nor God gave these kids dont want to parent anymore and they have found this really neat device that lets them do what ever they want and they feel their kids are safe ....or they hand them to them because if they dont then their kid will be ousted and no one will like themat school....let me tell you my son is now 15 and 1/2 years old and finally last month he recieved my old cell phone and he only has talk and text and believe you me it is checked on an almost daily shedule ....parnets grow a pair and be a real parent, It isnt being your kids friend ...they have friends they need a parent that shows them right and wrong and shields them from things they are not old enough for.

Kid Free businesses

I heard of all these businesses that are going kid free. Then I heard all the breeders (non active parents) start cranking up about how much these business owners must be kid hater.  That you should  never step foot in there establishments. This made me laugh it was so misunderstood. Then this week not only are people stepping foot in these businesses they are gaining business..... Kid free restraunts, kid free theatres, even " kid free" cruises. Cue: breeders scratching heads and organizing internet mobs. What parents of today's spoiled, undisciplined children don't get is that it isn't the kids we hate .....IT IS YOU we hate! Understand,  if you don't get nothing else from this piece.... your kids we feel the utmost pity for. Being saddled with lazy, unresponsible parents such as yourself ...you either are too lazy to make your kids mind .. or just stupid if you think that letting them "Do their own thing" is a great choice of parenting. I think most parents today are the first kind .... I think they are kids themselves. I think they had kids because either they were copying their friends  or their parents begged and begged for grand kids, so they just joined a cult I refer to as  Breeders... now at first this was awesome they had this little being that even though they pooped and peed themselves .... they netted the parents bookoo's of attention and this probably lasted til 2 years old. Then this child need a parent. A grown-up if you will to teach them how to act and behave. Now back in the day this was doable.... parents were strong enough to take the time and patience to school their young in the lessons that would teach them to be viable human beings. The today parent is way to busy playing on the Internet ...pinning.....posting and liking other useless parents Facebook profiles..they are too busy leaving their kids with anyone that will watch them while they go shopping ...getting nails done ...tanning or getting drunk with the boy or golfing anything to escape the responsibility of raising ones young. If they do have to actually spend time with these little snot bubbles they buy them way too many toys and most of these toys are what I call "distraction toys" they are to distract the child away from needing anything from the parents that is why their are 2 billion kids out there that would rather play Call of Duty than to go out to the lake for the day. Now you sit and wonder why oh why do all these mean people hate my kids ....well they don't they honestly hate your lack of parenting skills. The way you sit there and let your kids run around these eating establishments without so much as a word. You hold these 2 year old and let them scream non stop for a spand of 20 minutes til you make me want to walk up and take the child from you and see what in the world is wrong with it. The correct thing is to take your child if you cant get them to stop crying outside and away from people that are trying to enjoy a night out. Once the child is under control you come back in ...if they are running and acting up ...1st time you take them to the bathroom and explain what will happen if they act up again ..2nd time you follow through with punishment. Now back in my day that was a spanking but now I think its a strong talking to. But if you cant make your child mind then you might want to think about eating at home .... watching netflix  ..... You have to parent people its not optional. Its a requirement. Its gotten sobad that they are throwing you and your kid out of places that has to tell you something.

BEFORE YOU GIVE ME UP

How do you begin a story? A story that is so important for any mother who wants to give up her child. Maybe it’s the right thing for you to do? I don’t know but all I do know is the other side . We have all heard the mothers side what was the best for the child…or that they forced her into it. But this blog post is the other side of the coin. This is the story of a grown woman looking back at the years of mistakes that all hinged on feeling unwanted, unloved and discarded by the most important person in her life . What I couldn't get was ...what was so bad that my own mother didn't want me. My entire life has been haunted by that question. even knowing that it was the factor that made me invite so much bad into my life and never understand why.

Until now

I am not going to do the my name is thing …because I know there are more stories out there untold and unnamed. But when I was 9 months old I was given up from my mother to her uncle by marriage sister and her husband and if you can grasp the dynamics of that a blessing has already been prayed for you. My adoption or whatever you want to call it was odd at the very least.It was 1967 and my real bio mom had 4 kids . This included My oldest brother Bobby my middle brother Kenneth and my youngest brother Tim and then there was the baby girl. (I was cute I seen pictures).

Sometime that year my real mom was dropping me off while she worked. Now when I say she dropped me off I mean for a week or two at a time.

Then one day she came to pick me up and and my great aunt Nettie (Mom) Jokingly stated that as much as I stayed there ..that Gladsy should just give me to Nettie. Nothing got said on that day but the next time she brought me to Nettie she brought all my clothes and toys and GAVE me to her. Nettie was confused but thrilled because my uncle Dee(Dad) and Nettie couldn't have kids and thought it a Gods blessing that I came into there lives. But no matter how you colored it folks its still tainted with the fact that she just walked away from me.

But anyway that’s my story how in one swift moment not old enough to even realize how my life was changed forever. Nettie and Dee where in there mid 40’s and 50’s when I was dropped into their lives. I know they never even dreamed this late in the game that they would be raising a little girl. But these great people stepped up and did the greatest job in the world they loved me. I grew up knowing them both none other than mom and dad because that's what they were. I remember mom telling me that when I was little that if anyone got loud for any reason I would freak out and that we went on a trip to West Virgina and that she had just started potty me and that every time she would check me to see if I was wet I would freak out my mom firmly believed that during those first 9 months I had been around a lot of fighting and that maybe even abused. But this is the moment that I am a blessed child for being given up, God only knows what would have happened to me if my mother had kept me. Growing up with Nettie and Dee was like something made up in a book. I lived on a 99 acre farm in Middle Tennessee. My dad ran a pig farm and my mom was a stay at home mother. I remember having every animal imaginable and helping my parents feed animals, help tend a garden every year and following my father like a little puppy. It wasnt totally perfect but it was so damn close it was scary. As I look back on things now I saw that everything I did hinged on a "not good enough" feeling.....everything ... I let teacher treat me horrible and wouldnt tell my parents because I felt it was my fault. I took abuse from friends because the minute I told them the story of how I was adopted the temp in the room changed and I became the freak that everyone made fun of. I even remember a rumor that went around that my real mother was a hooker. I didnt even know what a hooker was in the 4th grade. This set the tone for 4 years of abuse at the hands of some "christian" children. I finally reached highschool..... boys suddenly became a very important subject..... but I stayed to myself but I wasnt horrible looking and I got attention from boys all the same but it wasnt the right kind of attention. I had a few boyfriends but due to the fact I didnt feel my own self worth they didnt either so they would cheat on me ...or just leave me. This is when I met my bestfriends brother. His name was Jimmy and even though at 16 years of age he didnt know it .... he was a control freak and an abuser...but he arrived saying all the right words and I was just swept away....I fell in love (remember I said that "I" fell in love) I thought that all was perfect that finally someone loved me for me and we would start a family and it would be my own and I could just put the nightmare of my mother giving me up far far behind me. I had just wrangled me a new nightmare because for the next 12 years I was abused .... mentally abused and he was always telling me that he was going to run away with our 2 year old daughter if I ever did anything that remotely looked like I was going to leave him. The life that I lead with that man actually killed some of my soul ...yes I really believe that . I finally left him after one night of him kidnapping me and beating me. He almost bit ...yes I said bit my nose off my face and I asked why and he told me he figured that if he did it then no one else would ever want me. that if he couldnt have me then no one else would. it took another 4 years of him stalking and sitting out side my new home with a gun...taping my phone calls...before I finally met and married my second husband Robert and he finally went away...... these timelines with the abusive husbands shouldnt have took so long but I had no self esteem ... my whole life revolved around the fact that every day I heard this little child like voice inside me that was always saying..... wow you own mother didnt want you what would make you think that anyone else would...better stay with him...there wont be another ...do you want to live alone for the rest of your life and what if he takes Heather and runs....what would you have then..... by this time Jimmy had run all my friends and family away and he and heather were all that I had. Still i realized that not only my exhusband...but bosses, friends, I alway and sometimes still do look down like I am not worth being in peoples way....even though I loved Nettie and Dee with all that I am ... I always felt as though I was a burden on them. I still feel that way today that I am a burden on anyone that is around me. I know that at some point I will have to sit down with someone that can help me deal with all this .... but Ladies you do need to know that instead of taking the easy road..... abortion or adoption you are so important in that little babys life....and if you tell yourself that you are doing the best for the baby your wrong you are doing what is best for you and trying to bullshit yourself into living with the mistake that you created.